Saturday, August 06, 2005

It's me, it's me, O Lord ...

Well, much has been going on that is worthy fodder for this blog. I'd love to comment more on ++Akinola's bid for power as reported by Fr. Jake and others.

And both the gang at the Ship of Fools forums and LJ Dark_Christian have been laughing at a proposed "Christian exodus" to Greenville, South Carolina.

But I've been barely creeping through the week. I've been losing a lot of blood and the anemia has officially returned. Well, I was officially borderline with hemoglobin at 11 on my doctor visit yesterday, and that was after I started the supplements. My ass has been dragging and I am very, very irritable. Meltdowns Have Happened. It hasn't helped that it really has been The Week From Hell at the office, a continuation of the job stress that helped knock my hormones for a loop in the first place. I was there from 7:45 am to 9:30 pm yesterday, with a planned file migration (after a similar schedule the day before). With some BART stair-climbing involved, it would have been an exhausting week even if I were in the pink of health.

This is bringing scary memories of two years ago. On the one hand I'm in better physical shape than I was then because I took some action earlier (I actually made it to the farmer's market today, something I didn't do in summer 2003) on the other, I remember that things progressively got worse for a while before they started to improve.

On Wednesday night, after struggling with the bus system, I got a call from a friend from church, who reads my LJ, where I was kvetching about it. She asked if I was planning to come, and I sort of went off on a ramble how I was planning it but I had found Pew Aerobics occasionally difficult and singing took a lot out of me. And as I was babbling about this, I said, "Well, I just don't have to stand up during the singing." And she said something like "Yes, you can just be pitiful in the pews" and started talking about her second chemo, the one where she didn't "look sick" so nobody much paid attention to her. We decided that if things got too bad, we could have a two-person "But you don't look sick" pity party at coffee hour. But after talking to her, my Attitude was Adjusted to the point where a pity party didn't seem my idea of a good time.

On either Wednesday night or Thursday morning, I posted a request for prayer on the Ship's prayer thread, which is something I should have done when the fountains of blood started gushing again last weekend, but at least felt like a step in a positive direction.

St. Spike's offers healing prayer at the 10 am service. I am debating whether to go up. Were I still at the Cathedral, I wouldn't hesitate to go up during communion for prayer and anointing, but I'm working through the "I know these people" aspect of it. Through not wanting to show my weakness in the community. And in a lot of ways (less so recently, but still ...), I have regarded my move to St. Spike's as being an escape of some sort from the Bad Times before, because it wasn't the place where I had spent a lot of time sighing or crying in the pews during My Big Fat Midlife Crisis. Yeah, I'm a silly boo, but the change of venue has done me good.

On the other hand, I'm thinking that one of the perks of being involved in a faith community is that you can get community support in time of need. Maybe I should be considering my answer to the standard coffee hour "How are you" question.

8 am isn't an option this Sunday. Nor is sneaking off to the Cathedral, because I don't want to climb that hill in my weakened condition. Major points to St. Spike's; being able to drive up to the door (or park a block or two away on flat land) is a big win for me. Whatever I do about the healing ministry, I will be able to have the Eucharist.


Blogger LutheranChik said...

A couple of years ago I was The Woman With an Issue of Blood...for months and months, with the attendant anemia, hormonal weirdness, fear, etc. I wound up having a uterine biopsy/D&C, and having to go on the pill, which was an interesting little fun ride all by itself.:P You are in my prayers, Charlotte.

P.S. On a positive note, during all this mess I taught myself how to knit and crochet, because I was so nervous and afraid that I needed to do something. I even have a souvenir afghan...every once in awhile I run my hand over it and think, I can't believe I made this.

August 06, 2005 7:02 PM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

Thanks LC. The Woman with an Issue of Blood has been in my thoughts the last couple years after my biblical Forty Days and Forty Nights. I was pleased to encounter her in the lectionary not long ago.

I was on the Pill last time (for the first time in my life) and it was just grand. I suspect this won't be the answer this time, though.

August 07, 2005 12:29 PM  
Blogger Preston said...

Hry Charlotte. Thanks for stopping by Baby Priest, and, look us up if you are near Davis again. We'd love to see you.

I lived in Berkeley for four years - and I was at "St. Spike's" for a while, I'm almost sure.

August 07, 2005 3:29 PM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

Hi Preston, I thought you might have been ... I wasn't part of the regular congo then, but I was either there for something like Ash Wednesday or a Sunday during Lent and you preached the sermon.

August 07, 2005 3:48 PM  

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