Saturday, April 12, 2003

April Showers

Things are better, and things are worse. Got bad news last night shortly before dinner. Considered getting stinking drunk (actually one beer would have done it) but was able to calm down and get to sleep (actually I was exhausted - dozed off at 8 pm listening to the ball game). I was able to get back to sleep when the rain woke me up (pretty intense) at about 2 but was thinking about the bad news again about thirty seconds after I woke up this morning.

Have been moping considerably because of that and the very wintry weather. Had a good cry on the way back from the grocery store this morning. It's starting to pile on ... the weather and the Easter lilies reminded me of my grandmother, who died on Christmas. I was also starting the Rock and Roll cure by listening to U2 ("Beautiful Day" and "Walk On" got me through that dark fall and winter of 2001/2). Now I really need to visit Mom and Dad next weekend - a mini road trip would be just the thing (and the valley should be nice and green).

The news might not be as bad as I first thought (my reaction could just be the old demons coming for a visit) and it *will* all work out in the end. In the short term, oddly enough, I do feel like carrying through with the cleaning program already planned for this weekend, which is unusual in two respects - I can't clean when I'm depressed and I don't like cleaning when it's gray and icky out. We'll see. Although I probably won't file. I also sort of got some of my ya-yas out when I took the trash can in from the street and found lots of snails crawling over my driveway from the neighbor's ivy. They are now ex-snails. Mwuhahahahaaa!

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like
It's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong (oh ho)

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase
For a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed
To be seen [...]

From U2, "Walk On"


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